The bullying started when I was about eight. The name calling, the thumps and blows. I endured a few years of that, simply not understanding why it was happening. Despite this, I went on playing with the girls. Hopskotch, wall flowers (a singing game with very girly dance movements). But the bullying increased in intensity and I saw the only way out as trying to conform to male gender conditioning. At grammar school, with no girls to play with, I decided to butch up. The bullying stopped. I played rugby and hated it but saw it as a way of conforming. At 12 I began to masturbate but always to the idea of dominant males. I began to believe that the only way they would even consider me as a sexual partner would be if I appeared to be female. So I started to wear my mother's clothes and soon began to love girdles and suspender belts and stockings. Best of all was her wedding dress...I saw myself as a bride to a commanding uniformed guy and this remained my ideal for years. I was quite. I sidle up to one of her colleagues.“Is Maria working today?”“No,” she says. “Got binned the other day. Last one in, first out.” Sure. Everyone’s cutting costs these days.“D’you know where I might find her?” I ask, trying not to sound too disappointed or look suspicious.“There was a sign in Wilko’s window the other day," the girl says. ”Might have gone for that.”Two minutes later I’m in Wilko’s and sure enough, in the back right-hand corner, a small female figure is squatting, rearranging something on the bottom shelf, her own bottom beautifully outlined by the tight fabric of her trousers. As conversation starters go, this is perfect.“Hi.”She looks up."Hi," she says hesitantly.“You’ve moved.”“They didn’t give me a choice,” she says. “And luckily this came up.” She talks like everybody around here, with a southern English whine. We stumble down this path of stage one and I leap a few stages.“Doing anything tonight?”“Why?”“Fancy a drink?”“Where?”“The cocktail bar at the Hilton Hotel,.
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